9.05.2018

Throwing the Quesadilla Out the Window: My Struggle with Food Addiction













Tank: Reebok (sold out, love this option) | Leggings: Victoria's Secret | Shoes: Nike | Sunglasses: Ray-Ban

Hello beautiful!
Happy Wednesday! A health journey series has been highly requested by a lot of you on Insta and it was honestly the hardest to accept. I struggle severely with body image and even just going to the gym because of how I look in a tank top. Truth, y'all. What I'm sharing with you today is even more sensitive and the only person in the world that knows about this side of the struggle is my husband. Here goes {mostly} everything I've kept top secret for years.

When you hear the word binge, your mind probably goes to the shows you're dying to indulge in on Netflix or Hulu, but my mind runs to shame and disgust. Why? Because I have been that girl. The girl who orders way too much fast food, finds a place to eat it quickly, and then hides the evidence so no one will ever know. Surprised? Yeah, me too.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes - bulimia, bingeing, purging, anorexia, etc. - and you may never know who around you is suffering from it. What makes us do it? Stress, loneliness, self-hate, depression, low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and more. So, why food for me? Why choose that to fill those voids when they show up in my life? I honestly don't know. I've never been much on drinking and have never done drugs... so I guess food was my safe place.

I've done a lot of research on this since I became aware I had a problem and I've found that a lot of this relates to brain activity as well. When your body takes in a lot of carbs and sugar, your brain basically goes into overdrive with cravings for more. So, if you can imagine, when you binge these foods, you will eventually crave that same satisfaction again. It also can impair your memory and learning skills, contribute to depression and anxiety, and it's a risk factor for dementia. Ouch. That's a long list of problems I don't wanna have.

The day I realized this had to stop wasn't long ago actually. I was driving to work and had already eaten before leaving... but I wanted that quesadilla. You know, the one from Taco Bell with the gooey cheese and tasty sauce. I was driving and trying to eat this quesadilla at the same time, which was a mistake in itself, but I couldn't eat as fast as I normally would. What happened? I started to become full. And then I heard the Holy Spirit. "Throw it out the window and never turn back. Step away from this." 

Oh boy. God just called me out on this problem that I didn't really realize was a problem. Yeah, I had previously thought it was a little odd and always just blamed it on stress. But God said it was time to stop. It was time to move forward. So what did I do? I threw that dang quesadilla out the window.

So here I am today, 5'2 weighing 180 pounds, and more determined than ever to change my health. I'll be sharing little nuggets about this journey here on the blog pretty regularly. It's almost like a relief to share this with you all - like you finally know the real struggles I have. So far, I have been monitoring sugar/carb intake majorly and am officially starting BBG today! It's going to be a rocky journey but the best me is just itching to reveal herself! 

If you are going through something similar to this, or think you need professional help in this area, I suggest reaching out to a counselor and dietician for better help. I am also always here to chat, encourage, and support! Have a great day!

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